by Dave Macgregor
The smoking life. This is not Dave Macgregor...he has a goat
I met god – with a little “g” – three months ago when I decided to finally kick a butt burning addiction that has cost me thousands of Rands over the past 25 years.
An average of 20 ciggies a day, 365 and a quarter days a year for 25 years, you don’t need to be a rocket scientist to realize how much I have wasted since I sucked my first “cancer stick” – long before I even started shaving.
What the hell…I would have could have should have been a tycoon if I did not spend hundreds of thousands of hard earned clams on puffing.
Nobody held a gun to my head and – yes – I did know every smoke was “another nail in your coffin.”
But still I puffed.
I convinced myself I was so hooked, I would literally walk miles to buy some twak – no matter how poor I was – always fearing that if I did not get my nicotine fix I would climb walls.
Or so I thought.
It was so bad, I would be reaching for my smokes and lighting up – even before I realized what I was doing.
Before going to bed every night, I would make sure I had at least two “skyfs” left for the morning, one with a cup of mocca java – cos everybody knows it “tastes better” like that.
What a joke.
Smoking Fast Facts with Allen Carr Easyway:• 12 million people in the UK smoked last year – that’s one in 5 Brits • 20% of all deaths were caused by smoking • Every day, in the UK about 450 children start smoking – equivalent to one primary school EVERY day • 346,000 UK patients with smoking-related illnesses are admitted to hospital each year – this is the same as the entire population of New Zealand’s capital Wellington • In the UK every year around 114,000 smokers – or more than 300 a day – die as a result of their habit – the equivalent to a plane crashing every day and killing all its passengers • Smoking costs the National Health Service approximately £1.5 billion a year for treating diseases caused by smoking • Smoking kills around six times more people in the UK than road traffic accidents (3,439), other accidents (8579), poisoning and overdose (881), alcoholic liver disease (5,121), murder and manslaughter (513), suicide (4,066), and HIV infection (234) all put together (22,833 in total – 2002 figures) • Smoking is responsible for 1 in 10 adult deaths worldwide |
I found that all out during a five hour quit smoking session with god with a little “g” – taking a puff break every 30 minutes, nogal.
If a friend of mine could kick her 80 a day habit with god with a little “g” I could nail down my much smaller addiction.
Five hours later I realized how much smoking really sucked and stopped.
After huffing and puffing my way through 25 years of my life, the past three months have been the best.
Hooked as a teenager, 90 days after I had my last smoke I am slowly starting to feel like a teenager again as my lungs get to grips with some fresh air for a change.
Pity about the prune faced wrinkles I got from sucking on a million smokes or more though…
The hacking morning cough has gone; the wheezing before falling asleep is not as audible as before and I can hike up hills without huffing and puffing.
The body is slowly adjusting to being given a second chance at life.
For years Malcolm Robinson was just another surfing buddy – who also smoked 30 plus a day.
Now he is “Little g”.
After several failed attempts to quit, Malcolm stumbled on Allen Carr’s Easyway to Stop smoking last year and is fast becoming a give-it-up guru.
Endorsed by major medical aid companies – with a money back guarantee if it does not work after three tries – I kicked it on the first attempt.
Not using any “nicotine substitutes” – like patches or sprays – or hypnotherapy, it is the sheer simplicity of the message that breaks down all the myths associated with smoking.
No shock tactics no horror pictures of tarred up lungs – just common sense.
I always thought I was hopelessly addicted until it was pointed out to me if it was so bad – how could I get eight solid hours of sleep a night?
Bingo.
A few more chirps like that and I did not want to smoke.
Eureka.
I now know coffee tastes much better without a smoke. A few puffs after a meal do not bring out the flavour.
“Little g” got hold of me and I really woke up and smelt the coffee…and really tasted my food
Forget the Iluminati and other conspiracy theories – the biggest hoax are the myths associated with smoking.
The joke is on us.
Sex may seem better after a smoke, but try kissing a mouth after 25 of those suckers and you will know what I mean.
I believed it all – until Malcom started his shpeel.
Every myth was met with a logical explanation and the smoke breaks started seeming a little pointless.
And, as promised I am not a miserable sod – even during the first week.
Nowdays my friends say that I am glowing. I can stand in a smoky room and not feel like a puff. I also do not feel like public enemy number 1.
Billed the “number one smoking cessation method in the world” – I have little reason to disagree.
When my son came home from school in tears after being shown the lungs of smokers – I knew I had to quit.
Thanks “Little g”
* Dave Macgregor is the wayward, surfing and butt-kicking correspondent for the Daily Dispatch in Port Alfred. He is also famous for adopting a goat while on a newspaper travel trip
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"The best bunny is when you’re 18 years old, sitting on a poof in front of your mom’s TV after staggering home from an all-night clubbing session," he opined fondly.
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